What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
