see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize