I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
