Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
