the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
