My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
