I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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