the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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