Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
