Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
