its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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