I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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