Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
