I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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