I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
