Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
