I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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