the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
