Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
