I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize