I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
