How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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