Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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