you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
