i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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