I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
