the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize