Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
