My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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