so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
