Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
