they need to just BURY HIM!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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