you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am available for nakedness
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
