Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
