How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Randomize
