Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
