Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize