Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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