So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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