She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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