I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
