Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
