Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
