I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
