I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
