Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
