Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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