i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize