i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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