Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
