I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
