I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
