Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
