it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
