Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize