My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
