Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
