it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
