I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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