Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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