I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
