when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
