My liver just broke up with me...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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