I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
