I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize