Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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