He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
