I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
