can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
