so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently you make a good broom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
