hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
