I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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