He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
