u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
