Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
