Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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