Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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