Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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