wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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