census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
