She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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