TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
