i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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