We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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