Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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