why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
