We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
