Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
