This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
