so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
