of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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