She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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