There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i now understand why vodka
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
